Monday, November 13, 2017
Looking For A Place to Belong
Ever since I can remember, I've been looking for a group, a place, to fit in. This has not changed and may never change. Instead it has evolved into an issue of finding a thing I can do. This journey is as timeless as the wheel or the formula EA uses to make sports games. Everyone goes through it but some of us remain lost and wandering aimlessly about the internet googling whatever pops into our heads.
When I was younger, it was all about making money. It went from wanting to help cute animals get better to wanting to help people find justice to wanting to teach cute children. Now, I'm not sure where I'm going. Perhaps getting a degree is pointless and perhaps my future lies elsewhere. Now, I seek some kind of personal fulfillment to feel like I fit in, like I belong.
I've tried options for things that might make money and provide amusement. This blog, for example. The two or three of you who read this badly written and poorly planned mess might enjoy it as much as I do. However, that's not the level of success I'm looking for. Still <3 you guys. The only thing I found any success with is my youtube gaming channel. It's not amazing, but it's a start. A very slow start. Maybe if I worked harder, edited, and actually put in effort it would do better.
It's not that I'm jobless or anything. I have a day job, but it's not what I want to do. The company is great and offer tons of benefits. The only problem is what it is doing to my health. They say 'no job is worth your health' but other people say 'this one is'. This is not what I'm meant to do and it's obvious. I've asked people close to me what I'm good at and the answer I keep getting is 'youtube, put more into it'. I honestly think they might be right. I don't like the drama that comes with youtube and podcasting and it is because of that drama I stopped being part of social circles. Well, that and how harshly competitive some gaming youtubers are.
I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that you're not alone if you're looking for your place in this world. I'm in my 30's and still looking while friends younger than me are homeowners with flashy new cars and adorable kids. At least I got a great husband and a rocky path I can walk.
Oh, by the way, I'll try to post more. Got a new wine to try, so look for that review <3 Also, a cat video (got a kitten and she's full of bite and fight) and gaming thing.
When I was younger, it was all about making money. It went from wanting to help cute animals get better to wanting to help people find justice to wanting to teach cute children. Now, I'm not sure where I'm going. Perhaps getting a degree is pointless and perhaps my future lies elsewhere. Now, I seek some kind of personal fulfillment to feel like I fit in, like I belong.
I've tried options for things that might make money and provide amusement. This blog, for example. The two or three of you who read this badly written and poorly planned mess might enjoy it as much as I do. However, that's not the level of success I'm looking for. Still <3 you guys. The only thing I found any success with is my youtube gaming channel. It's not amazing, but it's a start. A very slow start. Maybe if I worked harder, edited, and actually put in effort it would do better.
It's not that I'm jobless or anything. I have a day job, but it's not what I want to do. The company is great and offer tons of benefits. The only problem is what it is doing to my health. They say 'no job is worth your health' but other people say 'this one is'. This is not what I'm meant to do and it's obvious. I've asked people close to me what I'm good at and the answer I keep getting is 'youtube, put more into it'. I honestly think they might be right. I don't like the drama that comes with youtube and podcasting and it is because of that drama I stopped being part of social circles. Well, that and how harshly competitive some gaming youtubers are.
I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that you're not alone if you're looking for your place in this world. I'm in my 30's and still looking while friends younger than me are homeowners with flashy new cars and adorable kids. At least I got a great husband and a rocky path I can walk.
Oh, by the way, I'll try to post more. Got a new wine to try, so look for that review <3 Also, a cat video (got a kitten and she's full of bite and fight) and gaming thing.
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